Friday 7 September 2012

Signs of being an adult –


When we are children all we want is to be “big”. Ages are measured out in years and fractions, and woe betide anyone who forgets to add the “and a quarter” to your age! 

Modern music starts to sound like noise
Even the names of the artists now seem to set you on edge. It’s all ‘N-Dubz’  and ‘Tinchy Stryder’.  Everything was better in the nineties. There was no duff music on the radio then, you are sure. Not like nowadays.

Your favourite topic of conversation is house prices
In the pub, waiting for a bus, at dinner, with strangers and those you are most intimate with you return to one topic almost as often as the weather. Yes it is wet for this time of year, yes houses cost a lot now. Maybe it will dry out next week, and maybe, when the interest rates change…

You want to climb the property ladder. Climb it all the way to a suburban paradise, like Jack and the Beanstalk. Keep calm and keep trading livestock for magic beans. Or get a better savings account and make like the limestone in your kettle and build up a deposit.

You went to a garden centre – AND ENJOYED IT
Would ever, in your wildest of dreams, have ever thought you would have access to this kind of choice of mulch? You waited all week to have your time in this wonderland. Across a display of herbaceous plants your eyes meet a bewitching sight. You look at the gnome, you desire it and ant it for your own, but you know that it can never be. With a heavy heart you turn away and walk towards the café, knowing the neighbours would never tolerate it.

You start worrying about the future
You have started to worry about the future. You have started to worry full stop. You worry about all kinds of things now. You worry you don’t like the young people’s music. You worry about you people. You worry about house prices. You worry about the weather. You worry what the neighbours would think about you choice of kitsch novelty garden sculpture. You worry that you worry so much.